Parenting frustration

The kids are going to be very sorry to cross me today. I've really had it with the way Gabriel yells out orders at me. The way that Daniel screams at the top of his lungs if you don't move fast enough to get him what he wants. I really am at my wits end with both of these kids today and I'm tempted to get in my car and drive away and not come back until they are 14.

For breakfast this morning I made the boys waffles and a banana. These kids eat alot of bananas AND waffles. They are big favorites. This morning I actually put some syrup (sugar free) on them and Gabe ate it up fast, and then yelled that he wanted more waffles- but no banana. And I'm really tired of making him exactly what he asks for at breakfast, and then getting yelled at because he has changed his mind. So he is currently sitting at the table, in front of his banana- screaming because he doesn't want his banana. I told him that he can sit there until he changes his mind. I turned off the TV. If I give that banana to Danny, he will freak out even more. Or, I can throw the banana away, or eat it myself and he will want it again. I told him that if he eats his banana, I will make him another waffle.

This is NOT about waffles or bananas really- it's about the fact that my boys have turned into these spoiled screaming monsters that I do not enjoy being around in the short time I have with them every week. This week they have both gone to bed hungry at least twice because at one time or another they have decided not to eat what I put in front of them. I'm not a short order cook and what they have to eat is not complicated. So he can sit there in front of that banana until lunch time. I'm so tired of this... He's having a stand off with me. He's fuckin three years old and I am so irritated I want to throw the banana away and put back in bed until tomorrow. Danny finished his waffle and banana quickly, and I will gladly make Gabe another waffle, but first he is going to finish that banana. He's eating it, painfully slowly, and glaring at me with every bite. But I swear, that kid is going to eat that banana if it takes him all day. This is a tactic my mother used.... alot of mothers use...so I will give it a try. I am not going to lose this battle. Not today.

Half Nekkid Thursday

So I've seen lots of blogs participating in Half Nekkid Thursday...I've also seen Braless Tuesday, but on me, it's not as pretty as it sounds..... anyway- here is my contribution to HNT.




His new thing is that he can take his pants on and off. So he does it all the time and he's so excited about it.... it's these proud moments that make me so glad to be a mom!!!

So...what's going on with that situation?

Someone asked me that today, regarding the whole husband moving out thing....

And I answered honestly, but in more words than this..."I just don't have any energy to give to him right now." And that's the truth. I don't want to fight him right now. I don't want to push the issue or rock the boat because right now, the waters may not be smooth, but they are not so rocky that I am getting sea sick.
Right now I am looking to put/keep together the other peices of my life.
School is underway and while it's slow to start, it's moving along. I got the OK from my boss today to come in early, take a mid day class and leave a little later two days a week. So I was able to drop the class with the condescending professor who, when she explained that she had attended the Sundance Film Festival said, "It's hosted my Robert Redford- do you know who Robert Redford is?"
I wanted to walk right out.
Instead I made some arrangements and dropped her class.
No thank you Miss-Snooty-pants-I-gratuated-from-Columbia, I prefer to be treated like an adult.
And I'm excited about the class I added, because it's an upper division class that I didn't originally register for because I didn't think I could work it into my schedule. I am learning that it's a shame to miss out on opportunities, just because I was too afraid to ask.
Work is going fantastic. I really love my job, and my boss is so great. Today she sat down and went over a lecture with me on Neurological Anatomy and Physiology. It was so cool. I do NOT feel like an idiot with her. For YEARS when I talked to my boss- I felt SO stupid all the time. I felt completely inadequate and uneducated. Afraid of, less than, and inferior to.... amen. But lately, I don't feel that way. I am so lucky that I am trying to surround myself with people who think I'm smart enough to learn the things I don't know.
I'm trying to put forth some effort every night to clean this house. Even if it never gets 100% clean, if every night I can get it back to it's 'baseline' mess, and clean up 5% more, perhaps by the end of the month it will be clean. Little steps. I can't do it all.
So I'm trying to juggle these things. New job, new school, managing this house, paying the bills, maintaining my sanity...I don't have time to handle that 'situtaion' right now, I don't want to put forth any energy to it. I sensed that the person who asked was not exactly thrilled with my answer- but she will have have to live with it... or really, she doesn't. I have to learn to keep my mouth shut and not bitch. Every day I am allowing him to live here, is another day that I don't get to complain about it. I know that. But today I feel I have less to complain about anyway- so maybe that puts me on top.

Sometimes you can make friends in the strangest ways....

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Sunday, February 05, 2006 10:39 AM
To: Frank@docdel.com

I go to an all girls boarding school. Sometimes girls can be so tough on one another. I know this for a fact.
We were in a physics lesson once, and we were learning about static electricity. We blew up balloons, rubbed them on our jumpers, did the experiment. No problem. Till someone accidentally popped their balloon on a pin. Then everyone started doing it. 14 balloons popped all at once. A girl couldn't take it, she just couldn't. She screamed and cried. We didn't know what was wrong. She really screamed.
We then found out that she has a phobia of balloon popping. Then some girls did it more just to pest her. How awful, I didn't know what to do, so I punched those 2 girls. Then I got suspended. But I feel as if I did something good for that girl.
-England

(This was copied right out of Postsecret.)

Back to Bedlam

This is from my brothers blog- they are pretty moving pictures and I can't seem to get my head around what I want to say about it.

I'm feeling sick today- I think I'm getting what they boys had this week. I have been doing laundry since 8AM, and now it's noon, and I still have more to do. I have to stop though- my head is pounding and spinning at the same time. I was going to see a movie today, and/or meet a friend for lunch- but I just don't think I can do much more. I left two totally opposite message for my friend about getting together today- one saying I can't- and one, left 2 minutes later saying I'd really like to. But now I just want to crawl in bed. I haven't heard from her, perhaps it can be heard in my voice that I'm out of my head today and I am to be avoided like the plague.

There is so much to do here. More laundry, more cleaning, grocery shopping...and homework- oh right, homework. And all I want to do is crawl in to bed.
Michael was in bed all day yesterday- and today looks like it will be much of the same. He probably already has what the boys had- because he was with them more.
The difference between him and me, is that he can be sick- in bed. I still have shit to do. I just have to do it sick. Ok, I won't complain anymore.

I bought two new CD's yesterday. Destiny's Child, #1's. I love Greatest Hits CD's.
And I bought a new one from James Blunt. His voice is so haunting to me.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an anger with a smile on her face.
When she thought that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth.
I will never be with you.

I haven't listened to the whole CD yet, but I did read the lyrics to some of the songs. There is one song, Goodbye My Lover- and I haven't even heard the song yet- but reading the lyrics made me cry.
yeah, I can be like that sometimes....
such a chick..

Just put in two more loads of laundry. I'm stopping now. On to the next task of domestic bondage.

Happy Superbowl Sunday!!

-j